I Ain’t So Smart

Even though Scooter is finishing up 3rd grade,
I have maintained a friendship with his 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Stride.

She’s a wonderful person!

She was nice enough to let me continue to volunteer in her classroom this year.
I came in frequently to help with reading – several kids in her class were reading
below grade level when the year started
and they really needed the extra assistance and time spent reading out loud.
It’s been fun and I have really enjoyed it.

This year, she created an end-of-year program for the children to perform for their parents
and she asked me to participate.

It was called
’Are You Smarter Than a Second Grader’
and the ploy was that any of the children’s parents could be called on stage
to be the ‘contestant.’

But the contestant was really going to be me.
She wanted to save the parent’s the embarrassment.
And we all know that I have no pride.
I can handle making a fool of myself in front of others….
I think.

To make the program real, the only thing I knew coming into the
evening was that there were 10 questions
and only one question would be a ‘gimme’.
The rest of the questions had been tested out previously
on mom’s and aids in the classroom (for rehearsal) and
none of them had been able to answer them.

I had no illusions that I would be able to get any of them right.

It was very cool that she arranged to use the
old theater in town.

(This is the theater that Flynn and I went to on our first date!
They don’t show movies here any more!)

Here, Mrs. Stride is introducing me and telling the parents they can relax,
they won’t be called up on the stage.
Look at those cute kiddos standing there!
I love them all!

I don’t remember which question these boys are asking me…
I think it’s the question about the woodchuck:
”If a wood chuck would chuck wood,
how much wood
would a wood chuck chuck
if a wood chuck
would chuck
wood.”
Can you see the confused look on my face?
But then again, I had a confused look on my face for most of the questions.
(BTW, my answer for that question was along these lines:
”Is it an African or European woodchuck?
I suppose he’d have to chuck the whole thing.”)

I really did feel foolish up there.
There were many questions I simply didn’t know the answer to.
I’m sure Scooter sat in the audience wishing he could jump up there and help me.
I’m sure he knew the answer to every question.

Afterward, I asked Mrs. Stride for a list of the questions.
She gave them to me, but didn’t give me the answers.
I’m supposed to remember them.
But I don’t.

1. (Mr. Principal) dresses nice every day. What is the color of his favorite blue shirt?
(Obviously the gimme.)

2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?

3. How many words should a 2nd grader be reading at the end of the year
according to (our state’s) Department of Education?
(I believe the answer was 92.)

4. What is the longest word to have ever been said on a movie screen?
And that movie won 5 Oscars.
(I used the one ‘Audience Help’ I had for this.
The answer was ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’.
I should have known.
Mrs. Stride is a HUGE Disney fan.)

5. What is a digraph?
(No clue. I was thinking math. But it’s when you put two letters together
like ‘s’ and ‘h’ to make one sound. And yes, I just looked
this up on Google so I could give YOU the correct answer.)

6.What is the name of the paleontologist that discovered the T-Rex, Sue?
(I knew the paleontologist’s first name was Sue but didn’t know the last name.
It’s Sue Hendrickson.)

7. What do whiners have to do with reading?
(I think I answered this in a whiney voice, “I DON’T KNOW!”)
(I don’t remember the actual answer.)

8. What does the a.m. stand for when telling time?
(My answer: Absolutely Mortifying because I HATE morning!)

9. All of you have been in our classroom at least once. On our wall is
a Jungle Cruise boat with pictures of us in it.
On that boat it says S.A.F.A.R.I.
What does the acronym stand for?
(I made up something terribly silly… once Mrs. Stride reminded me what
an acronym was.)

10. Name three kinds of angles.
(I said, big and not so big but I couldn’t think of a third kind. Scooter sat in the audience shaking his head in disbelief.)
(The answer they were looking for was acute, obtuse and right.)

At the end of the program, since Mother’s Day was coming up,
she had each child stand in front of the audience and read a poem they had written to their mom.
And they gave their mom a beautiful carnation with it.

Mrs. Stride is very lucky to be able to have her cute little boy in her class.


Even though I didn’t get a poem, I was lucky enough to get a white carnation.
And I got some great memories!
It was such a fun night!