Don’t Drink Milk While Reading This!

Man!
We’re on a roll here!
Three posts in two days?
What’s up with that?

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Last night I posted about Scooter’s
“Party in the Shower.”
I still laugh when I think about how everything played out and how funny it was.

Today, I’m posting some of his writings from his 3rd grade class.
His teacher had the class do some creative/descriptive writing and kept the majority of
their stories in a portfolio on the classroom.
Since it’s the end of school, he brought that portfolio home yesterday
and I can finally see what the boy has been writing about.

As I read it, if I had been drinking milk, I know I would have snorted it through my nose.
There were many LAUGH OUT LOUD moments as I turned each page.
This boy of ours…. He makes me smile.
(I won’t edit his writing... punctuation, spelling, paragraphs ….. it’s all how he put it on paper.)

WHEN I GET THE FLU

“Gag” “gag” went the sound of me barfing. I looked at my bed and almost threw up again.
So I went downstairs and told mom. We cleaned my sheets. I was about four when this happened.

Once dad came home he to the ER. When we got there I was really scared. Then we went into a room I was running around because I was so scared. The nurse told me to take off my shirt. I love taking off my shirt. So, I obeyed.

I got three shots on my belly. My belly was poked a lot. Then she told my parents something. I didn’t hear it because I was sobbing. We went home. I was still sick but I got better.

MY OWN TRICKSTER TALE

There was a Donkey eating hay. Just then and there Turkey came out of the undergrowth on the other side of the fence. Then Donkey started talking “How are you Turkey?” The conversation surprised turkey. “Well I’m just finding some pumpkins. Can you help me?” said Turkey. Donkey said “at midnight I will tell you where the pumpkins are.”

That night turkey came to Donkey. “The pumpkins are in the middle of the forest. Touch the closest stump to the middle of the forest. I also wish you a safe journey.” said Donkey. Then Turkey set off on the journey to the middle of the forest, but where donkey was of course he was laughing.

When Turkey found the middle of the middle of the forest he stepped on a trap and fell down a serpentine hole. “I hate your advice Donkey!” screamed Turkey. An hour later Turkey got out of the hole. When he found Donkey again the sun was just barely rising. “Donkey, don’t do that again.” Turkey was furious, Donkey was calm “How would you like to have tea with me at four o’clock” ”You have a deal.” said turkey.

At four o’clock donkey was dressed in a tuxedo. When Turkey arrived all of the tea was gone and donkey was asleep. “Donkey wake up! Someone has drank all the tea!” cried turkey. But Donkey did not wake up. So Turkey went home sad.

The End?

A HOBBITS CHRISTMAS

Once there was a wizard and a hobbit. The hobbit’s name was Frodo, he wore a green cloak held together by a metal leaf. The wizard’s name is Gandalf, he had a long white beard, and a long pointy gray hat. “Orks are planning to ruin Christmas again Frodo.” ”The ork ruin Christmas every year Gandalf.” ”We must get an army ready immediately!” said Gandalf worried.

Gandalf and Frodo went to the city council. “We must get an army ready.” said Gandalf sighed. “I will lead the army myself if that’s all it takes.””Gandalf, don’t do this. If you have to I’m coming with you to war.” ”This is a dangerous business Frodo.” ”We’ll get an army ready to save Christmas!” The Mayor said enthusicasticaly.

While the army was getting ready, Gandalf was planning the attack. Once he got it ready they marched to victory. “I have to go to the bathroom cried a hobbit. “There is no place to go to the bathroom.” “Or your pants.” cried another hobbit. “I don’t want to go to the bathroom in my pants.” At that moment the emerged into a clearing at the other side there were orks. “CHARGE!!!!” “I have to go to the Bathroom!!!!” cried the one hobbit. Many hobbit’s got injured but not killed during the war. The hobbit’s killed all of the orks. It was a grusesome journey home but it was worth it. They had the best Christmas ever in all of their life.

The End

MY FAVORITE PLACE

Spray, spray went the sound of water landing on hard rock. My favorite place is Yellowstone. When I go through the gate I see beautiful scenery on the other side. I also see a glistening river. The trees are green and rustling in the wind.

In Yellowstone I smell and feel the poky pine trees. I can feel the steam of the geyser steam. I smell sulfur of the geysers. I smell the wonderful dirt. I feel the squishy grond.

I hear in Yellowstone the sound of a river running. I heard the beautiful chirp of birds. I can hear the sound of the wind blowing. The geysers bubbling. The sound of bubbling water hitting hard rock.

Every time we go to Yellowstone it is an exciting and tiring day. When we leave it is very sad. I like to do the mile long hikes. We always have a  blast. Yellowstone is my favorite place.

It’s Been A While

I know I just posted something.
I NEVER write two posts in a day, but it’s been so long since I’ve had a “Scooter-ism” to write about
I just HAD to record this funny thing he did this evening.

First give you some background:

For years we’ve called Scooter a “Party Pooper.”

It’s not that he has a bad attitude or is sullen and angry all the time.
Quite the opposite.
He was definitely “born under a star that laughed” as he is such a happy person.
He’s happy in just about everything he does.
Including his time in the bathroom.

It doesn’t matter what he’s doing in there:

Brushing his teeth
Washing his hands
Using the toilet
Showering

He has a PARTY while doing it.

He sings.
He dances.
He laughs.
He tells himself jokes.
He looks in the mirror and watches himself laugh.

He actually came to me the other day and asked me if I could help him write a comedy monologue – how he even knows what that is is beyond me – because he had made one up while he was sitting on the toilet, but he couldn’t remember it by the time he got his hands washed and out of there. Plus, he thinks it was too full of ‘potty humor’ and he knows that
isn’t allowed.

That is what goes on in our bathrooms while he’s in them.

Tonight was no different.

He’s especially happy because tomorrow (May 23) is the last day of school.
He was in the shower.
Singing.
Dancing.
Laughing.
THE USUAL.

When all of a sudden I hear:
the sound of skin sliding across the bottom of the tub (we all know the sound)
the thud of a body crashing
an exclamation of pain “OW!”
a small giggle and
an unidentifiable mumble of words

I wasn’t too concerned because there was no crying and the shower continued
at almost the same happy decibel level for another 10 minutes or so.

When he finally finished his party and came downstairs, I was still laughing.
I asked him if he was okay.
He started laughing again and said in amazement,
”You heard that?”
Well of course I did! It was quite the thud!

And then he shared this wonderful pearl of wisdom:

“Never dance on a slippery surface.”

Which just happens to be what he said to himself right after he fell
(that unidentifiable murmur of words).

We were laughing pretty hard about the whole thing for several minutes.
And then he said while he was still giggling,
”Usually the humor dies off fast,
but this one’s hanging!”

Scooter is such a doof.
But we love him!
And he helps make our home a happy one!

Limbo-ing Along In Life

I have NEVER been flexible! I always blamed it on the fact that I didn’t take gymnastics when I was younger, but let’s face it, my limbs were just not made to bend backwards or contort into weird shapes. I am a straight, up and down person that bends in the ways my hinges/joints tell me to bend.
(This made me think of the Primary song… “I’m all made of hinges cuz everything bends.
From the top of my head way down to my ends….”

I find it ironic, with how inflexible my body has always been, how flexible my LIFE must be.
When Flynn moved away to Mordor to begin his new job at the hospital, we had to be flexible
with living apart, with not being able to find suitable housing so the whole family could move there,
with juggling our finances as we supported two homes
and driving 1,500 miles every month.

I had to be a more flexible parent since I took on the role of both mother and father while Flynn was away.
Flynn had to be more flexible and patient as his children grew up and he wasn’t here to watch (he is
a hands-on parent and this was hard for him).
The children had to be flexible dealing with parents who were stressed and trying hard to keep life as
normal as possible and working at maintaining a strong family relationship.

And then he lost his job.
And we found our life bending in a new way.
Would he be able to find new employment?
Would we be able to meet our financial obligations?
Since he lost his job at Christmas time, would we be able to provide Christmas for our family?
What did our future hold and where would we end up?

Thankfully that period of time was short-lived and after only about a month,
Flynn found his current job East of Nowhere.
It was just supposed to be an interim job, while he desperately searched closer to
our home here in Zion for suitable employment.
We realized that we didn’t want to leave this area.
We like living close to the mountains, my national park and we like LOVE
our neighbors and neighborhood.

Sadly, there were NO JOBS to be had.
He applied at our local hospital, at the big government employer west of town,
at private companies.
Jobs are hard to find.
No one said, “Hey, come work for us!”
But his interim employer said,
“We love you! We want you to stay!”
It would be stupid to say no, wouldn’t it?
Especially since we saw Heavenly Father’s hand in this.
We realized that as much as we HATE leaving, we have to!

So we became flexible again in having Flynn visit every other weekend
(that was short lived…we realized we absolutely couldn’t be flexible in that
and we see him every weekend again),
in wrapping our minds around living even further away from home and family.
We had to start looking for homes again in an area that has
even fewer homes available to rent or purchase and what is available is
sub-par and GROSS!

And then Flynn realized he wanted/needed to apply for a job in a different hospital.
It’s with the same hospital management company that currently employs him
(whom he LOVES working for, BTW).
This hospital isn’t as far east as the one he’s currently employed at.
Instead of living East of Nowhere, we would simply be living in the Middle of Nowhere.
(I really must clarify… both of these towns are heads and tails better than Mordor!)
The hospital that he applied at is bigger and the town is bigger.
There are better advantages for the whole family in this situation.
(His current boss is aware that he’s trying for this position and supports him.
That’s how great this organization is!)

So, Flynn had his first interview.
They are only interviewing 4 people for the position.
The interviewer said he did GREAT!
They were VERY IMPRESSED with him.
They’d let him know in two weeks if he made it through to the second round of interviews.
In the meantime, we don’t know where we’re going to live.
Are we going to East of Nowhere? Or Nowhere?
We can’t buy a house.
We can’t decide on a final moving date.
People are constantly asking us what our plans our and we say,
WHEN WE KNOW, WE’LL LET YOU KNOW!

The two weeks were up last Friday (May 18).
Flynn heard on Monday that they needed another two weeks to decide.
That’s the first of June.
We had tentatively planned that Scooter and I would move in June.
Will that happen now?

I’ll tell you what will happen now!
We’ll keep bending and living our life in LIMBO.
We’ll keep smiling.
We’ll (try to) wait patiently to see what Heavenly Father has in store for us.
We’ll pray harder that when it happens we’ll be ready.
I’ll keep packing boxes and cleaning out closets and shelves.
We’ll enjoy the time we have left here in Zion
and enjoy (even more) the time we have to spend with Flynn,
because after spending so many months without him, it’s harder and harder to be apart.
(Families shouldn’t live this way!)

But I also wonder:
we’ve had to bend and be flexible while we’ve lived in LIMBO for so long,
how will it be to stand up straight?

Love This Guy

Seriously, isn’t Flynn the handsomest guy around?
Okay, totally biased here, but I love everything about him.
His hairline included.
(Have you ever run your fingers over a bald guy’s head?
Don’t knock it til you try it!)

Flynn does everything he can (from hundreds of miles away) to help me and make my life easier.
He is my greatest champion.
He lifts my burdens when he can.

Living so far apart, we text each other a LOT.
The first thing I do every morning, while my eyes still are fighting to focus,
is to grab my phone and read his sweet morning greeting.
I try to make sure I send a text  every night right before I go to sleep
telling him I love him.

(We’ve always kept different hours.
He’s definitely a morning person – up before the crack of dawn.
I’m happy if I go to bed right before the crack of dawn.)

Flynn knows that my “Love Language” is
QUALITY TIME.
I don’t need fancy gifts.
Flowers are nice, but they die.
But offer to spend time with me and I’m 100% happy and content.

Knowing this – for Mother’s Day – Flynn took me away to my favorite place on earth
and gave me two full days of TIME!
Time with him.
Alone.
In Heaven.

(This is the second year he’s done this. We’re quite happy with the tradition,
and agree that no matter where we live, we’ll continue with it as long as we can!)

This is a little of what we saw:

These were on the hike we attempted to take.
We agreed before we left that if there were any signs of bear,
we’d high-tail it out of there.
I didn’t want to be the first statistic of the summer….

We followed these prints for a short while before I completely freaked out.
We hiked to a creek crossing and Flynn decided he’d walk ahead to see the view.
I stayed behind.
He went just over the ridge (making noise the whole time) and found more prints
surrounded by drops of water.
He hypothesizes that we were chasing the bear just ahead of us.
The bear had crawled through the creek Flynn had just crossed and stopped for a
minute, dripping, before moving on.
While I would have enjoyed a longer hike, I am happy to still be alive to hike another day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love to see these guys, but from a very safe distance!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Ain’t So Smart

Even though Scooter is finishing up 3rd grade,
I have maintained a friendship with his 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Stride.

She’s a wonderful person!

She was nice enough to let me continue to volunteer in her classroom this year.
I came in frequently to help with reading – several kids in her class were reading
below grade level when the year started
and they really needed the extra assistance and time spent reading out loud.
It’s been fun and I have really enjoyed it.

This year, she created an end-of-year program for the children to perform for their parents
and she asked me to participate.

It was called
’Are You Smarter Than a Second Grader’
and the ploy was that any of the children’s parents could be called on stage
to be the ‘contestant.’

But the contestant was really going to be me.
She wanted to save the parent’s the embarrassment.
And we all know that I have no pride.
I can handle making a fool of myself in front of others….
I think.

To make the program real, the only thing I knew coming into the
evening was that there were 10 questions
and only one question would be a ‘gimme’.
The rest of the questions had been tested out previously
on mom’s and aids in the classroom (for rehearsal) and
none of them had been able to answer them.

I had no illusions that I would be able to get any of them right.

It was very cool that she arranged to use the
old theater in town.

(This is the theater that Flynn and I went to on our first date!
They don’t show movies here any more!)

Here, Mrs. Stride is introducing me and telling the parents they can relax,
they won’t be called up on the stage.
Look at those cute kiddos standing there!
I love them all!

I don’t remember which question these boys are asking me…
I think it’s the question about the woodchuck:
”If a wood chuck would chuck wood,
how much wood
would a wood chuck chuck
if a wood chuck
would chuck
wood.”
Can you see the confused look on my face?
But then again, I had a confused look on my face for most of the questions.
(BTW, my answer for that question was along these lines:
”Is it an African or European woodchuck?
I suppose he’d have to chuck the whole thing.”)

I really did feel foolish up there.
There were many questions I simply didn’t know the answer to.
I’m sure Scooter sat in the audience wishing he could jump up there and help me.
I’m sure he knew the answer to every question.

Afterward, I asked Mrs. Stride for a list of the questions.
She gave them to me, but didn’t give me the answers.
I’m supposed to remember them.
But I don’t.

1. (Mr. Principal) dresses nice every day. What is the color of his favorite blue shirt?
(Obviously the gimme.)

2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?

3. How many words should a 2nd grader be reading at the end of the year
according to (our state’s) Department of Education?
(I believe the answer was 92.)

4. What is the longest word to have ever been said on a movie screen?
And that movie won 5 Oscars.
(I used the one ‘Audience Help’ I had for this.
The answer was ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’.
I should have known.
Mrs. Stride is a HUGE Disney fan.)

5. What is a digraph?
(No clue. I was thinking math. But it’s when you put two letters together
like ‘s’ and ‘h’ to make one sound. And yes, I just looked
this up on Google so I could give YOU the correct answer.)

6.What is the name of the paleontologist that discovered the T-Rex, Sue?
(I knew the paleontologist’s first name was Sue but didn’t know the last name.
It’s Sue Hendrickson.)

7. What do whiners have to do with reading?
(I think I answered this in a whiney voice, “I DON’T KNOW!”)
(I don’t remember the actual answer.)

8. What does the a.m. stand for when telling time?
(My answer: Absolutely Mortifying because I HATE morning!)

9. All of you have been in our classroom at least once. On our wall is
a Jungle Cruise boat with pictures of us in it.
On that boat it says S.A.F.A.R.I.
What does the acronym stand for?
(I made up something terribly silly… once Mrs. Stride reminded me what
an acronym was.)

10. Name three kinds of angles.
(I said, big and not so big but I couldn’t think of a third kind. Scooter sat in the audience shaking his head in disbelief.)
(The answer they were looking for was acute, obtuse and right.)

At the end of the program, since Mother’s Day was coming up,
she had each child stand in front of the audience and read a poem they had written to their mom.
And they gave their mom a beautiful carnation with it.

Mrs. Stride is very lucky to be able to have her cute little boy in her class.


Even though I didn’t get a poem, I was lucky enough to get a white carnation.
And I got some great memories!
It was such a fun night!